My Bloody Valentine (2009)

Tom Hanniger has just inherited his fathers mines, the life blood of his small town, the town he abandoned after being blamed for a mine collapse and surviving the following brutal Valentine’s Day murders committed by one of the miners that survived the accident. Ten uneventful years have passed since the tragedy and Tom is ready to sell the mines, until attacks start occurring again and the townsfolk are torn over the identity of the killer – is the original miner dead and someone else is taking on his mantle or did he manage to survive in the mines all these years?

My Bloody Valentine is a remake of a cheesy 1980’s slasher film and all I really know this new version of the flick added was the 3D gimmick; that being said, I am kind of sad I didn’t get to see this film in 3D. Just watching on DVD in 2D I could tell that Patrick Lussier used every trick in his tool shed to make this film pop in 3D, sure he used the clichés of things swinging at the camera, but he used a lot more than that which probably made the film fun to watch in 3D. The DVD does come with 3D glasses & the ability to watch the film in 3D but I don’t think home video has been able to replicate the 3D available in the cinema. I could do without the naked scene and eyeball pop in 3D though, those are just bad.

All kidding aside this is still a movie I can’t decide if I liked or not. It’s not a bad movie, it’s somewhat entertaining to watch, but there are definite things wrong with the movie and definite things that work and are interesting to watch – it’s like the film was half well directed, and half lazy because it’s a remake. It’s a strange combination I’m not sure I’ve really seen before.

Let me first say that the women in this film are some of the stupidest I’ve seen in film in a long time, and I’m sorry to say they really were chosen for their looks not their acting ability. Not only did their performances feel forced, but they did the horrible things like chase after the killer down a dark alley and search abandoned buildings on their own with full knowledge that there was a killer at large.

I also have to say that this script was really loose. Even if you are stuck within the confines of a previous work a good writer can manage to spice up even a dead end story with a bit of character development, or at least making the twist ending a little less absurd – but none of that was done in this film. In fact, you spend most of the film thinking that Tom Hanniger is the main character only to realize about three-quarters of the way through that his ex-girlfriend Sarah actually is. This is a problem because you can’t empathize with her, as an audience you haven’t really been paying attention to her, you’ve been paying attention to her husband the sheriff and Tom – of course even those two you don’t really connect with.

As I began to state previously what really did work in My Bloody Valentine was the visuals. Patrick Lussier really make a pretty rich looking film for what this movie should be, a 3D gimmick. He took time to make otherwise uninteresting shots energetic by adding movement and depth to them, helicopter shots were used frequently in this film. There is also a bit of editing at the end that is just brilliant, as the killer walks through the mines smashing light bulbs every time a light pops the image changes between the killer and the killer fully dressed in his typical garb.

What I can genuinely complain about in this movie was the ending. Most horror films are made great or horrible based on their ending, and in most cases this is the final reveal of the killer. One of the worst final reveals I’ve ever seen was in the French horror flick High Tension. it made the entire rest of the film impossible. The ending to My Bloody Valentine isn’t as bad, but it does come out of left field and make you wonder why this character got the lack luster treatment they received most of the movie, the reveal isn’t as good if you don’t care about the character and their relationship with everyone else in the film…and it really shouldn’t leaving you shrugging your shoulders at the reveal.

My Bloody Valentine will probably be a film I’ll watch again. It’s kind of fun, and Jensen Ackles knows how to work a camera, but if I’m being honest the only reason I will watch this film is to test the 3D or ogle Ackles. That man needs to be in more movies, he’s a star waiting to happen.

Director: Patrick Lussier
Writers: Todd Farmer & Zane Smith
Tom Hanniger: Jensen Ackles
Sarah Palmer: Jamie King
<>Axel Palmer: Kerr Smith
Deputy Martin: Edi Gathegi

Ben Foley: Eloquent, Sheriff. You make us look like an inbred mining community.
Axel Palmer: We are an inbred mining community, Ben.

Twilight

Twilight--MAKEOUT!! lol
Originally uploaded by hvyilnr

Twilight was the number one film at the box office over the weekend; we all knew it would be because Harry Potter was pushed to the summer. I read the books and from the trailer and advanced footage I was able to see I knew the movie was going to have issues; unfortunately, I was right. The filmic version of Twilight reads like it was A) directed by someone who never read the book and B) put out by a studio that simply wanted to push out a movie based on a hot commodity ASAP.

One of my biggest issues with Twilight was the editing of the film – I do not have a bone to pick with the editor, but the director. It’s a basic filmmaking rule that every cut you make and shot you choose needs to have a purpose. Catherine Hardwicke seems to have forgotten this. More than once she will cut away to something like the camera moving through trees, or hand held, canted, swinging camera shots that pull you away from the characters and the emotional impact of what is happening and make you think about what the camera is doing. When she should be sticking with the characters she goes elsewhere.

Then there is the random cutaways in the movie to the villains activities (which are totally unnecessary) and the cuts to the flashbacks (also totally unnecessary). Both of these pull you away from something crucial that is happening to our main characters. While I understand the desire to show the villains before they confront our main characters this also takes away some of the impact of our villains – they lose some of the scare factor when you see them “playing with their food”.

The flashbacks and dream sequences were another kind of bad entirely – not only were they pointless, but they were really stupid. The flashbacks were filmed in sepia and when they were used even though they were being narrated by characters they seemed entirely unmotivated – I am really not sure how that was accomplished. Rather than having the flashbacks add to the story they detracted from it because they were so incredibly different than everything else on screen and thus pulled you again out of what was happening to our characters and made you feel like you were watching a TV documentary.

The dream sequences were very similar to this. Instead of helping the movie they hindered. Most specifically there is one image that kept repeating that was not only out of character for the film but having read the book it had no place being associated with Bella our lead character; this would be the classic gothic image of Bella in a black dress, draped across a bed with Edward in classic Dracula-esque attire draped over her. This is the image of lust of both for blood & sex – it’s the image of fear not endearment. One of the crucial things that makes Bella and Edward different from the characters in an Anne Rice-type novel is that they are not defined by their lust or the traditional image of the vampire and victim – Bella and Edward fight any urges that would make them into this stereotype for the safety and well being of the other.

I also took issue that Bella all too often seemed afraid of Edward. One of the most crucial things about Bella is that she is never afraid of Edward. Between her dreams, and her reactions to Edward Bella very much seems to be frightened of Edward at crucial moments – her actions do not fit her dialogue.

One of my biggest problems with the films structure was actually the last shot of the film. Instead of remaining on our lovers Edward & Bella who again, should be the focal point of the story we are taken to Victoria one of the villian’s of the piece. It is an obvious trick to set up a sequel and it is unnecessary as the story is already left open for the next chapter by Edward and Bella in the scene before.

On the technical side of things I had to major issues – the makeup and the special effects.

Let’s start with the makeup. All of the Cullen family looked painted white – not only was this unimaginative, but it looked bad. On top of this the makeup staff did not take the time to blend the color into the characters necks or other exposed skin so the vampires looked two-toned. This oversight was student film bad.

Then you come to the special effects; I understand that this film didn’t have a huge budget, but with a film that requires a certain amount of effects and CGI you make sure that you get the best bang for your buck and that it all works in the story instead of detracting from it. One of the major differences between Twilight’s vampires and traditional vampire mythology is that these vampires are not hurt by sunlight, the reason they do not go into the sun is because it would attract attention and show them as otherworldly – they sparkle in the sun. When my friend and I saw Edward step into the sunlight we actually laughed – the effect was cheesy and unfinished looking – it merely looked like they’d sprinkled the actor with glitter. Then you have the fun of the fast moving, quick reacting, super strong vampires – it looked cheap and out of place, not to mention it was used at the oddest times; if you can’t afford the shots find a way to shoot around it without cheating your audience.

There were some good things about this film, but I will save that for if I review this movie again. I do feel like I could study Twilight more and it would be beneficial for me to diagnose why the movie did and did not work; parts of the movie were good and captured the characters decently well, but these were so few and far between that they could not overpower what was not done well in the film. I have seen movies that are much better than Twilight, but I have also seen movies that are way worse than Twilight. In the end I really think that if you handed me the existing footage I could edit the film into a better movie.


Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Writer: Melissa Rosenberg
Bella Swan: Kristen Stewart
Edward Cullen: Robert Pattinson
Charlie Swan: Billy Burke
Esme Cullen: Elizabeth Reaser
Charlisle Cullen: Peter Facinelli
Alice Cullen: Ashley Greene
Rosalie Hale: Nikki Reed
Jasper Hale: Jackson Rathbone
Emmet Cullen: Kellan Lutz
Jacob Black: Taylor Lautner
Billy Black: Gil Birmingham
Laurent: Edi Gathegi
Victoria: Rachelle Lefevre
James: Cam Gigandet

Edward Cullen: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
Isabella Swan: What a stupid lamb.
Edward Cullen: What a sick, masochistic lion.